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VAL'S WORLD
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Being the wife of a soldier who seems to deploy a lot, I have to rely on myself to be able to figure things out and get things done. It gets tiring, and although I’m pretty good at it, I do like to find ways to make my life just a little bit easier.
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To See or Not To See
by Valerie Lande, posted July 2010
...coming...
Valerie "Val" Lande
Val's World
Key Contributor
info@armywifemagazine.com
Archives: Val's World
One thing I got tired of relying on was wearing my glasses (and contacts). I hated the feeling of wanting to rip my eyes out at three o’clock in the afternoon because my contacts were so uncomfortable. I’ve had to rely on them since about the 7th grade and the time had come where I was finally DONE.
This decision didn’t come easily. I had casually mentioned this to my eye doctor over the past few years, asking him if I was a candidate for Lasik surgery, secretly hoping he would say “no,” because I can’t imagine someone cutting into my eyeball while I’m awake. He always said we could talk about it, but I just wasn’t ready yet.
Well, I went in a couple of months ago for a routine eye exam and asked the doctor, “Seriously, am I a candidate for Lasik – I want to rip my eyes out at three o’clock in the afternoon, and old friends are making fun of my thick glasses (you know who you are). He happily informed me “YOU ARE THE POSTER CHILD FOR LASIK! IT’S PERFECT! LET’S DO IT! HAVE A NICE DAY!”
Great. Now I had a decision to make. Do I want someone to cut into my eyeball, or do I want to have to carry extra contacts wherever I go, put on my thick glasses at slumber parties, blah, blah, blah, or do I want to wake up being able to see what exactly the dog is doing to the cat.
Let’s go for it.
I for some reason didn’t watch any videos on the Lasik process prior to my appointment. I’m not sure why. All I knew is that I opted to save $1000 by going with the actual “knife” cutting, and not the laser cutting. Either way, I was going to get flaps cut into my eyes.
I went in for my appointment and the nice lady gave me a Valium. “This will take the edge off.” It was a very small Valium, and I was a bit worried, but thought it MUST work if this is the size they give to all of the patients.
After asking me several questions and making me sign SEVERAL pieces of paper to be sure that I was aware of all the possible complications such as: Lasik may not work. You may see stars for the rest of your life. You may still need glasses. You may not be able to wear contacts ever again (wasn’t that the point?). You may see double. You may see ghosts. You may not be able to see again. Your flaps may flip. Your eyes may be so dry that you want to scream. Your eyes may be so teary that people will think you are always sad. Your eyes may fall out.
I signed them all and said a little prayer.
They led me into the procedure room, which was very dark and had lots of doctors standing around. At least I think they were doctors. I couldn’t actually see them because, well, I had to take my glasses off for the procedure.
I DID notice the big stuffed alligator lying on the operating table. I giggled (could have been the Valium) and asked “why is there a big stuffed alligator on the operating table?” They told me that is for me to hang onto during the surgery. I giggled again. I’m not holding on to some big stuffed alligator.
Let’s just say, they may need to replace the big stuffed alligator.
I lay back on the table and the doctor starts by trying to tape my eyes open. Well, that wasn’t going to happen because I was blinking like a mad woman. He’d try to grab my eyelashes, I would close my eyes. He tells me I need to keep my eyes open. I tell him he needs to stop trying to tape them open.
Finally, somehow, he manages to tape my eyes open. “Are you done now,” I ask. No, not even close.
The next step was pouring all sorts of drops in my eyes. A drop for this, a drop for that. Cold, wet drops. “This will numb your eyes so you won’t have the urge to blink”.
Couldn’t blink even if I DID have the urge. My eyes were taped open.
He then places what feels like a round cookie cutter on my eyeballs and lowers this big machine over my eyes. “Okay, we’re going to make the flaps.” Great. The machine slowly moves over my eyes and, apparently, cuts them into these darn flaps that I hear so much about. I really don’t feel any pain, but just the thought of what he is doing is sending me into panic mode. I’m grabbing onto the alligator with all my strength, and breathing very fast. “Just breathe normally and try to relax your forehead,” the doctor calmly says.
Relax my FOREHEAD? What the heck am I doing with my forehead? So now I’m paranoid that I must look like a freak, doing something funky with my forehead. I try not to panic. At this point, I am convinced that the Valium she gave me wasn’t a Valium, but perhaps a placebo.
“You’re doing great, your flaps are perfect.” Well, thank you very much. “Now we’re going to reshape your cornea”.
What?? Still not done?? 23 seconds of a laser beam zapping my cornea. I swore I smelled burning eyebrows, but I guess it was just the laser. At least that’s what they told me.
“Great! Looks good! Now just 23 more seconds for the OTHER eye.”
Let me just say, longest 23 seconds EVER. I’m squeezing the big stuffed alligator, kicking my legs (for real) and breathing as if I am in labor. A kind nurse grabbed my hand and said “oohh, you’re doing soooooo good!”
After a multitude of more drops, some “smoothing of the flaps”, and more drops, I was done.
I was a bit disappointed that I couldn’t see perfectly right away – it looked like I was looking underwater-under really thick water. They said that was normal and to go home and nap for 4 – 6 hours. That didn’t sound so bad!
When I got home I crawled in bed, careful not to bump my flaps, and dozed off. Every time I opened my eyes I could see better and better.
Flash forward three weeks. It is fabulous not having to wear my contacts or my thick glasses anymore. My vision still isn’t perfect, but my eyes are healing as they should and I need to be a patient, patient.
I also need to replace the big stuffed alligator…
Comments ()
July 6, 2010
hahahaha
Beck
July 5, 2010
Great article! As always, you did your mama
proud.........Love you!
