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About American Veterans Disabled for Life Memorial
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- Throughout this nation’s history, service men and women have gone bravely into battle, risking their lives and livelihoods, and sacrificing their safety to defend America. When their duty is completed, many return home to life as it was. Sadly, for more than three million veterans seriously injured in the line of duty, leaving the battlefield does not mark the end of conflict. These permanently disabled heroes often carry home life-altering disabilities, stern reminders of the price of freedom.
Soon, thanks to efforts led by the Disabled Veterans' Life Memorial Foundation, Inc., and supported by veterans as well as concerned and generous citizens and corporations, these soldiers will have a permanent memorial in the nation’s capital that will pay tribute to their sacrifices -- the American Veterans Disabled for Life Memorial.
Commanding an impressive two-acre site between Washington Avenue SW (Canal Street), C Street SW and Second Street SW, the Memorial will be within full view of the United States Capitol, adjacent to the National Mall, and across from Independence Avenue and the United States Botanic Garden. The focal point of the Memorial will be a star-shaped reflecting pool, its surface broken by a single eternal flame. A grove of trees will stand sentry beside the pool, signifying the persistence of hope.
Following an invitational design competition in 2003, the Foundation selected Michael Vergason Landscape Architects, Ltd., of Alexandria, Virginia, to design the Memorial, with the graphics, text and bronze components of the Memorial created by artist Larry Kirkland in collaboration with Cloud Gehshan Associates. Washington D.C.-based architectural firm Shalom Baranes Associates, PC has been retained as project architect. As the project architect, Shalom Baranes Associates will complete the final design and produce the construction drawings for the Memorial, ensure design compliance during construction, and interact with the army of contractors and consultants involved in bringing the vision of the Memorial to life.
“As an American citizen, it’s important to give recognition to the people who have kept and continue to keep our nation free,” says actor, director and musician Gary Sinise, national spokesperson for the Memorial. “It’s because of them that we are able to enjoy everything we do today.”
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FEATURES
“Everything’s Gonna Be Fine”
A personal talk with Diane Musselmann, advocate for the Disabled American Veterans for Life Memorial.
by Liz McChesney posted July 2010
Diane Musselmann has worn many hats in her lifetime. She is a businesswoman, teacher, mother, Army wife, advocate, adventurist, and the list goes on. One title that she takes much pride in, however, is that of a caregiver for her late husband. Ken Musselmann sacrificed his legs in Vietnam, as a result, changing their lives forever. To many people, such an experience stops progress – not to Diane and her family. She raised their two children, Kenna and Matthew, along with being a caregiver-teaching them the same morals, strength, and open-mindedness that makes her the beautiful woman she is. I was honored to speak with Diane and through our conversation of laughter and even tears; I walked away a stronger Army wife myself.
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Click photos to view full size
Liz McChesney
Dep. Exec. Editor
Features/Family Relationships/Living
Diane Musselman
AWMag: In times of crisis we all have a slew of emotions going through us: sadness, anger, confusion. When your husband returned home as a double amputee what were your first emotions?
Diane: It’s hard for people to imagine what I’m going to say, but it’s the truth. When Kenny got hurt, I talked to him in Japan and the very first thing I asked him was, “Can we still have kids?” And he said, “Well, I know I can – can you?!” And I said, “I hope so [laughing]!” He wrote me a letter the day after he got hurt from the field saying, “I’m ok. We’re just gonna start over and everything’s gonna be fine.” That’s where I took my cue from. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I knew we needed to start over with a new life. Of course, I was sad because I hated to see him in pain. But, his attitude completely ran the whole scenario. I think he was a very strong person, and fortunately for me, I was too. He always had a smile on his face, and I just knew that everything was going to be ok.
AWMag: In your written piece, you talk about utilizing a strong support group for guidance. Today’s military spouse has the FRG and numerous groups at their disposal. Where did you go for guidance after you became your husband’s caregiver?
Diane: Most of the guidance that I got was not only my faith (because I’m a very strong believer), but the friends and family that we had behind us one hundred percent. Also, the people we knew that were disabled veterans - they were instrumental. Being able to talk to other wives of severely disabled veterans...the people and acquaintances we met were unbelievable. It’s difficult to explain or even to bounce things off of other people that have not been there (as in any given situation). It was those women that I learned to really rely on – and I hope they did the same with me – to talk to and say, “Ok, what do you do now?!”
AWMag: You also mention that there is a “fear of the unknown.” Can you talk a little more about that and any other fears you came to know?
Diane: The fear of not knowing how you were going to live. How do you live with someone who has lost their legs? The everyday things change…taking doors off the hinges because you can’t get a wheelchair through. How is he going to get a job? As it turned out, Kenny went back to college and got his degree in business. But, even at that point, he had a very difficult time finding a job. People just didn’t want him. How was he going to react when we had a baby? What was he going to be able to do and not do-things that people do NOT think about everyday; mowing the lawn or putting the sprinkler out. The simple fact of being able to walk hand in hand (like you see so many couples do) is gone; just gone. And it’s those very simple things that you look at and realize, “Ok, that’s gone – so what else can we do?” I firmly believe that he (and other disabled veterans) live richer lives because they know it’s very fragile. They know how quickly it can be gone. They know they’ve been given a second chance. That’s how we lived our life: as richly as possible.
AWMag: You mentioned in your piece that a big challenge is learning to let go, to let them learn to do things on their own. How can a caregiver mentally prepare to do that?
Diane: I don’t know why I felt this way, but I was very strong. I adapted to every situation. I remember vividly, Kenny was at William Beaumont (Army Medical Center at Ft. Bliss, TX) and he was able to get out for the first time. His arms and legs were all bandaged up – he was a mess. But, he was gonna get out [laughing]! We got the wheelchair to the car and I thought, “Hmm…how is this gonna work?” He was struggling, and I knew that if he couldn’t get in a car we couldn’t go anywhere. We would not move forward. So, it was tough, but I had to let him do it himself. I absolutely had to, because we couldn’t stand still. We have to go forward, and that was his attitude, too. You have to allow them to do everything they possibly can. Kenny never looked back. I don’t think I ever heard him complain. But, don’t get me wrong, he was a tough man. He expected a lot from those that he loved, because he gave a lot. He was always looking forward at what he could do, and never dwelled on what he could not do.
AWMag: You have two children who you raised alongside of caring for your husband. What do you feel was your biggest challenge balancing your parenting role and caregiver role?
Diane: I’m not sure you can ever equal that out – in any role. Sometimes you have to give more to one than the other. My kids grew up truly helping their dad. At Kenny’s funeral my daughter read aloud:
When most people look at my dad, they see a disabled man in a wheelchair without legs. When I look at my dad, I see a man who could do anything. A man who fought for his country. A man who married the love of his life. A man who loved living. A man who never gave up – a true hero. My dad, to me, was not disabled. I never looked at him and said, “Gosh, I wish my dad had legs.” I believe he did so much more than most dads do, because he did not have legs. He taught me how to ski, how to dance, how to fish, how to drive my first car, and how to drive a motorcycle. My dad without legs, walked me down the aisle at my wedding.
Kenny worked for almost two months to be able to stand and use crutches to walk her down the aisle.
Matthew shared his feelings also:
“…some things that you may not know about my Dad…He was extremely funny and charismatic. He was able to laugh at himself and never let his injuries be a part of our family's life….he taught me how to live, laugh, love and most of all how to enjoy each day as if it was my last. He was my hero, my idol, my coach, my mentor and most of all, my DAD!”
So, that’s what they think of their dad. He was never disabled to them. It’s all an attitude. What you portray, what you feel, what you believe in, what you can and cannot do. And with us, it was never “cannot.”
AWMag: You are quoted in your piece as saying, “Do not think of the disability as a burden or punishment- think of it as a blessing.” When did you come to that realization and how did you get there?
Diane: I just never felt that way (that it was a burden or punishment). I’m so proud of him serving; I was always very proud of him. He was a sniper, a sergeant, a leader - I knew he would be. He took care of his men. It made our life different, and I can honestly say it made it better. I don’t know that I can compare it with anything, because we only had a year and half before he got hurt. It’s hard for me to know what could have been, but I know what did happen and it was an amazing life. We did things that people would never think of doing, because he knew that his time could be tomorrow. He was always positive. It was never a punishment – never a burden, because…gosh, why would I not love him?!
AWMag: What advice would you offer to the military spouses today who are caring for their Disabled veteran?
Diane: Live every single day to the fullest. Never look back. You can’t change the past. Always look forward – always. They’re still your husband. There is still the man that you married in there somewhere. Love them and encourage them to do absolutely the most that they can do. Stand by them.
AWMag: How did the memorial come into your life?
Diane: The memorial was started back in 1998 and Kenny was asked to be a spokesperson. He just dove in one hundred fifty percent! He was so very excited about being able to do that. Since then, he worked throughout the United States promoting it. It’s such a needed thing. Disabled veterans come home and they go back into the world and into reality of life. Kenny realized that there are over 3 million that go back to their everyday life. They become good citizens. They vote, pay taxes, and work. It’s literally forgotten that they were hurt somehow when they were in the service. That’s such a shame. And this memorial is such a wonderful way to say we remember you. We honor you. You’re important. You did what your country asked you to do. When Kenny passed away, I was so honored when they asked me to take his seat on the board.
AWMag: How can our country learn from The Disabled Veterans for Life Memorial?
Diane: What they can learn is that there are Veterans that come back disabled. They continue daily in their pain and disability. But, they have the courage and perseverance to go on. They did what their country asked. They went out and served and were injured. What it can show is that they are still there. They are still citizens of this country – disabled or not. They give everything – except their life – and they need to be remembered by people. They still bare their scars and pain. They must be honored. They must be remembered.
AWMag: What does The Disabled Veterans for Life Memorial mean to you?
Diane: It means that Kenny’s dream is going to be a reality. It was such a dream of his to see this. Unfortunately, physically he will not be there. But, we will be there. We will be there to see his dream come true. It means that we can honor all the disabled veterans, from past to present and (I hate to say) future. It’s letting people know that our country is behind them. Every disabled veteran that comes home today, or tomorrow, or the next week - this country will honor them. This country will have their back.
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Diane is a strong pillar in the lives of many disabled veterans and their families (particularly their spouses). She is on the Board of Directors of The Disabled Veterans’ LIFE Memorial Foundation, which is non-profit and was created to raise public funding for the American Disabled Veterans for Life Memorial (ADVLM) in Washington, D.C. Diane has a wealth of experience and advice that has assisted and educated families of veterans across our nation. She opens her heart as an effective advocate of disabled veterans’ rights, education, healthcare, training, and financial assistance. Her ongoing efforts of the American Disabled Veterans for Life Memorial have not gone unnoticed. Diane has recently authored an informative and uplifting piece entitled “Notes from a Caregiver on Living with a Disabled Veteran.” A copy can be obtained by emailing Liz McChesney at liz@armywifemagazine.com. In her kind hearted way, Diane extended, “If ever an Army wife would like to talk, I would feel blessed to do so. We need to lift up each other!”
Our veterans of decades ago, as well as most recent, deserve the utmost respect and appreciation. We must highlight their bravery and heroism. Our country has over three million living disabled veterans. The memorial gives them a place to repair their soul and be recognized for their sacrifices. Please support the memorial by making a donation at www.avdlm.org.
